May 2020

Human

Who am I? Think carefully before you answer For your answer determines your destiny There are no labels There are no levels Nature cares nothing about our rules. For nature is consistent. We all will live We all will die There are no exceptions 

We will always live in a chaotic world full of heartbreak because we are chaotic complex creatures 

Adversity is inevitable 

Unbearable tragedies within our control, and out of our control wait behind every door. We will make mistakes. We will fail. 

But we embody a quality worth celebrating. A trait that is priceless. 

Resiliency. 

We go through a beating from life and we get back up We don’t give up easily We persevere By nature, you weren’t created to surrender We keep going because we crave purpose We keep going because the will to live is stronger than the desire to die…

Societal Pressures

Ideas implanted, Without my consent. Holding me in contempt, Knowing I need to vent. 

But I don’t know how. So I, Aimlessly prance around, Smile, but wanna frown Head up, but feeling down Pretentiously portraying a clown. 

That tension internally, stirring, destructively, creating the beast, nowhere to release, who should I be? 

Who they want me to be? 

Emotions, causing commotions, unsatisfied with the notion. Drinking the magic potion. And it’s filled, With “love”. 

But it’s conditional, & subliminal, stealing my soul like a criminal. 

But the system calls the plays, and I’m the receiver Masking everything, creating an unfulfilled deceiver Now I’m a believer. 

In, Blazing your own trail. Do it your way, And you’ll uncover the veil. 

Distractions

Less action, more satisfaction. Deviate from the plan of action. Always, Looming, grooming my behavior. Pleasure is my savior and that I might say, I favor. 

Over any of these things, Not my goals not my dreams. The unconscious king. 

Drawing me in, again. A product of my sins, ruling me and my twin. Here we go again. 

Cursing at my duality. Anything but face reality. A slave to externality. 

And I didnt even notice, because I lost focus. 

The Confrontation

As my focus carousels from one pleasure to another. 
I’m building up a tolerance that wouldn’t please my mother 
or sister, who went through, a whole heap of trauma. 
Thanking God that she aint someone’s baby mama. 

But see that’s my problem, never looked in the mirror. 
Never thought I had an issue until it became clearer. 
The deeper I searched, I discovered the concealers. 
The deeper I searched, I discovered the concealers. 

Hiding behind a smile, but underneath it was shame. 
Thought it would bring me joy, but the birth was pain. 

Fighting with yourself just because of repression. 
Only way to find peace inside is by confessing. 

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Destructive Habits

Automatic like my pulse. 
I’m drowning, I’m engulfed. 
You’re the sheep 
And I’m the big bad wolf. 

Use me, abuse me, confuse me. 
Runaway but you’ll never lose me. 

I own you, you’re weak. 
Without me, you’re incomplete. 
Sit down, accept defeat. 
Instinct, mission complete. 

Ha! I win. I got you again. 
You can’t hide, I’m your twin. 
And I’ll always be. 
Within. 

The mind. 
Avoiding you like land mines. 
Dribble twice and I shoot from the free-throw line. 
Swish! 

Every time.

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Coping Mechanisms

Inherited or 
Developed 
Disruptive or 
Destructive 
Whatever your way 
Of getting through the day 
Know you’re not alone 
Know that it’s okay 

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Conformity

Paste on that smile and pretend. 
Morph into a character that doesn’t feel like the skin. 
That I’m in. 
The rehearsal is about to begin. 
The costume has to win. 

The theater is slammed but I feel alone. 
Body here but my mind is home 
And just like that I’m gone. Activated. 

Animated, as the tone changes. 
Slip away, acting like my phone ranging. 
Complicated, as my patience grows thinner. 
Dry chicken, no sauce, dinner. 

Awkward for all. 
Enthusiastically talking ball. 
Anticipating wifeys fake call. 

It’s so stuffy in this room. 
As the energy is fueled. 
By substances I don’t use. 
But I drink anyway too, I don’t know. 
Look cool, or to avoid the man looking at my shoes. 
Who is only interested because of what I do. 
And not who I am. 
For we have nothing in common except the fact that we have no clue. 
Why we’re here. 

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A Battle Within

Reflective of the old you
Suspicious of the new view
Embracing the present
Its flaws and all
Confronting your spirit
Cleansing it with pureness

Embracing the highs
Accepting the lows
A fight with temptation is a fight with the mind
A cocktail of encouragement mixed with focus
No prize at the end
A battle within

© 2020 Marcus Lattimore
Site by  O C T A G O N

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