Marcus Lattimore

Four years ago, in the city that changed my life, my wife and I stumbled upon a Buddhist center. We met a woman named Toba. She had such a calm presence that when we entered into her aura we instantly became tranquil. Although our encounter was brief, when I reflect back it was the single most impactful moment along my spiritual journey. After that experience I wanted to know, I had to know – how could a human being have such energy? And why was it happening in front of a Buddhist center? 

Unknowingly, the societal norms I’d inherited were being tested for validity. Buddhism was not forbidden but it damn sure wasn’t something I knew of, or saw of, which is why I was so perplexed. I thought an experience like this was supposed to happen in a church, or at bible study, or during a baptism. But no. It happened on the side of a street looking at a bulletin board where I saw titles like “skillful compassion” and “lovingkindness” . This type of vocabulary spoke to my heart, it spoke to my soul, but the person in me said this was wrong. This wrestling in my mind went back and forth for several months. To have even the tiniest of inkling into this philosophy/religion I thought would send me to hell. But the values, beliefs, and ideals I had adopted only lead to suffering, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction masked by attainment, achievement, and financial stability. I knew when I moved back to the west coast it was time to do something new. It was time to open my mind and see what happens. A bit apprehensive, but underneath the veil, my soul was ready. 

I started to spend more time in nature. My wife started teaching and practicing yoga. A practice that improves concentration and focus which is much needed in a society that values instant gratification. I started learning about Qi Gong. An ancient medicine that incorporates mindful, rhythmical movement in a fast paced rat race world. Slowly, but surely, my nervous system was resetting. This allotted more space in the mind. I started to engage in wholesome activities. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I was feeling a disturbing emotion, I didn’t numb, I voiced it.  Little by little I started to do the opposite of what I would normally do. What I started to notice was that the majority of my waking hours was spent in my head. I was either running from something, planning for something, or worried about something. Without slowing down, without meditation, I would’ve never been able to see this. 

We have to think. Thinking is a necessary function to keep us alive. Thinking is how we have come up with some of the greatest inventions that make our life easier. Thinking is how we pay the bills. But always thinking means that you’re not present. Reality is now. Reality is here – in the present moment. These practices force you into the present moment. Over time this new habit becomes a comfortable place. Less time on the phone and in front of the TV because real life becomes a lot more interesting. You gain control over the mind that has been programmed to overthink and ruminate. The mind constantly tends to float away to the next activity or the next assignment or the next task or the next…whatever the hell it is. With these practices you’re able to coral the floating mind back in. You’re less likely to hurry and panic. You feel less stressed. You make better decisions because you’re able to gather yourself. You realize that these changes have nothing to do with Buddhism or Hinduism or Jainism, or Christianity. Meditation – the art of being still is not exclusive to any one religion. Every holy book that you pick up mentions meditation, being still, repeating verses, repeating mantras, praying. All in an effort to focus your attention and fix your mind. You can have both. You can do both. When you direct your mind and practice with consistency and devotion, you – will – change. This is why today I appreciate all religions. The attempt is to get you to that stillness. That place outside of your head. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when. Naturally you come in contact with the truth of reality and that is that we are transcendent spirits.  But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I can be physically present and simultaneously in my head and not even notice. It’s hard to tame a mind that’s always run the show. We’re human. I’m human. I still take my mind away from reality through pleasure portals unmentioned. I’ve realized that those pleasure portals are unreliable though. Meditation is sustainable. It’s the only way. Extend yourself grace and compassion for even trying to meditate. It’s a challenge but the challenge bears ripe fruit; peace. 

When I met Toba, I wanted to know so bad what she had. I wanted to know how she got that. What did she do? And then it hit me, she wasn’t doing anything. She was operating as we all intend to operate. We’re human beings, not human doings. 

-Latt

The University of South Carolina Women’s Basketball team just won their 2nd national title in six years. When the clock hit zero and confetti dropped from the sky, jubilation was written all over their faces. When they’re in action, you see the grit- the will- the desire, the I will not be denied mentality. We see their confidence. We see these selfless superstars, who could be starting for any team in the country, come together playing for each other every time they step on the court. We see their humbleness. We see all of these things but do we ever ask ourselves the question: how?  

A commercial came on during halftime of one of the women’s games last week and I heard a familiar voice telling me that if I try these oofoos I will never own another pair of slides again. Shit! Why do I want to buy these shoes now? The Target center is in Minneapolis, Minnesota; 1,200 miles away from Columbia, South Carolina. But all I hear is gamecocks cheering during the game. How? How is she able to inject a whole city, state, and country with pride and joy? 

“This journey was divinely ordered” 

–Dawn Staley 2022 National Championship presentation acceptance speech

I’ve only met a few people in my lifetime that, when you enter their aura something shifts inside of you. You feel it in the atmosphere. Something is distinctly different about this human and you are healed when in their presence. I could try to describe it but no words can convey it. It is an experience.

Spirituality is the only true realm of reality. We conduct ourselves as a person with a mind and a body with wants and dreams and desires but the womb of existence is none of these things. Personally, my spiritual life was inherited and unexamined. This led to a misinterpretation of what it means. This led to a misunderstanding of what I really am. Thank God I found my way back home.

We’re all divine. The difference with Dawn is that she knows she is divine and that is why she is a cultural icon. When you’re in tune with the divine everything aligns. That doesn’t mean everything is perfect, there will be struggle. But at the end of the day you find refuge in the unchangeable and omnipresent. You realize that you don’t have to be anything but yourself. She is a walking certificate of authenticity because that’s what comes with knowing. An understanding that you are complete as you are. No enhancements or alterations of thy self are necessary. Dawn just doesn’t make you care about basketball. Dawn makes you care, period.  Basketball is a medium that she uses to infuse her wisdom into the lives of the next generation and it spreads out of the gym into all walks of life. Dawn is way more than a coach. If we pay attention, there is something deeper she’s evoking. There is something she is unintentionally and intentionally displaying for the world to see…

-Latt 

“Prejudice cannot be legislated away” -W.E.B. Du Bois

In March of 2020, right before life changed forever, my wife and I flew to the capital of sin where we committed tons of sins. Vegas. Lord forgive me. 

Our plan was to drive back to South Carolina so we could see the country. We were ecstatic. We took an alternate route so that we could vibe with my sister who lived in Utah. We stayed a night in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That next morning we would leave at sunrise and cross into Nebraska. Not even two minutes over the border we see a cop car parked under an overpass. I was going 79 and in a 75 (yes the speed limit was 75) so I knew there was a possibility those blue-red lights were about to pop on. Being stopped didn’t bother me at all. I was speeding. The disturbing and unsettling part was that he asked me questions, but didn’t believe a word I was saying.

“Where are you coming from”? : Vegas 

“Where are you going”? :  South Carolina 

“Why are you driving across the country”?:  To see America 

“What’s in your trunk”?: Luggage 

After answering all of his questions truthfully he said that he had “probable cause” because of certain “indicators”. Of course. 

A black man with a black wife sporting black shades listening to black music wearing all black in a rented big black car.

More officers arrived at the scene. These were the type of cops that still think cannabis is the devils lettuce. They patted me down and pushed me into the cop car for no reason. They split us up in an attempt to poke inconsistencies in our story, hoping we trip over our words. I guess it was an interrogation technique they learned in training that was ineffective, obvious, and racist. They knew our trunk was full of drugs. They were certain that they had their golden goose for the month. Until the German Shepherd sniffed and sniffed and sniffed and found nothing. It looked at them and said : 

“why are y’all wasting my time”? 

“Let them go! Oh yeah.. I want a treat for this bullshit when we get back too” !

Good boy.

When I got back in the car and rejoined my wife we embraced for a while. I wasn’t even pissed. I actually felt bad for them. I don’t know what it is inside of me but I naturally feel pity for anyone who is ignorant because I know at the core they’re unhappy. I knew that that incident would be the most exciting thing that happens in their lives for the next few months. For some reason, a memory from childhood popped into my head and inside I chuckled.

When I was a kid my mom bought me a book that was filled with facts about every state in America. The state bird, flag, animal, and a brief history on the formation. I was fascinated by this book so much that I memorized every capital on the first day. I couldn’t put it down. There was a picture of the cornfields of Nebraska in the book and I dreamed of running through the fields. Social studies, History, or any class that centered around geography I found a natural interest in. And excelled. To this day my wife and I play a geography quiz game on my ipad where you learn the capitals of countries all over the world. This deep seeded love for adventure has shaped my adulthood and I’ve seen some amazing sites. A nice view in solitude is restorative. My love and I discovered that our souls were intertwined with those two ingredients. I am away from the noise and busyness of the world. My mind is quiet. My ego disintegrates and so with it it’s selfish desires. This is where my faith is rooted. This is my spiritual practice. During my communion with nature is when I hear the still voice of God and although America is gorgeous and full of iconic landscapes, I only feel comfortable in certain spaces. 

I want to stay in a cabin in the middle of Montana. I want to ride a horse in Southern Utah. I want to go skiing in Idaho. Hell, I want a farm in Southern Oregon where we can grow fruits and vegetables. Maybe even some cannabis. OG Kush to be exact. I’m an explorer. I enjoy traveling but there is a part of me that knows if I were to fully embrace this pulling of my heart, I would put myself in danger. Finding Zen in black skin is conditional. Your brain won’t allow your being to rest in places where you are not welcome. You can’t operate as a whole person in parts of this country where you are viewed as a threat. So I must carefully and strategically choose our destinations in alignment with the beliefs of that particular city. This America wasn’t built with me in my mind. This America wasn’t built with my peace in mind. That cop in Nebraska proved to me that no matter what I say, no matter what I do, as the great poet Jay Z said: “I’m still a nigga”. He saw all of that black and activated his switch! I could’ve been Jesus himself but because my skin was black his unconscious bias colored his perception of reality. This subtle operation ordered his assumptions of criminality. His mind automatically became fixed and rooted in imperialism and white supremacy. Sadly, he didn’t even know. Sadly, a lot of white people still don’t notice this. And I get it. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was self introspect. You find a lot shit you don’t like about yourself. But I’d rather go through some humbling pain than live in delusion. 

I want to go, but for right now, I’ll have to put my curiosity at a standstill. I want to go, but for right now my black consciousness tells me to stay in the city. I want to go, but for right now, I can only dream. To my future kids reading this, go get your farm nigga! And grow me some OG Kush. And CBD. 

Latt