The Blog

III find myself in constant repentance. 

Because every time I take a dip into my mind it feels the need to remind me of my past.

Something that’s passed. 

You see, I’ve done some things that would force the devil to give me a round of applause- 

A standing ovation- 

Bestow me his crown- 

Without hesitation. 

I’ve seen some things that, 

Can’t be unseen. 

Images and, 

Situations. 

Etched into my memories, so vividly, 

So viscerally that sometimes I teleport. Stretching my arms out, reaching, and hoping that I could grab that kid, that kid with the braids who just wanted to fit in before he opens a door,

That can’t be closed.  

Some words that have came out of my mouth have been so hurtful, 

That if it was written,

The ink would instantly vanish,  

The spirit would set fire to my paper, 

Destroy my pens,

And slice my fingers off of my hand, 

One by one. 

I’ve chased some things that are uncatchable.

I’ve thought some thoughts that are unthinkable.  

And for these reasons,

I make sure, 

To be present,

To be kind,

To forgive. 

-ML

Doing what I love and loving what I do. 

I see no competition because there’s nothing I’m trying to prove. 

Just enlighten with these fingers as they move over these keys. 

Had to simplify because it puts my mind at ease.

Thank God for Bob Marley- easy skanking is the vibe. 

We live in a, 

Who’s who world. 

Constantly comparing. 

Full body scans mid conversation just to see how we stack up. 

Ranking our worthiness as human beings by the things we have. 

Or the things we’ve done. 

Or the circles we occupy. 

Analyzing the statistics of our peers like a mathematician.

Gathering that data, compiling it into our psyche, where it sits,

And stays. 

Unconsciously making us feel inferior to a stranger.

“I’m a failure”.

“I’ll never be as good as he is”.

Now you see, that’s the danger.

Taking things at face value.  

And believing what society tells us success is supposed to look like. 

Your status in this distorted reality we live in may make you think that you’re not good enough. But you don’t have to believe those thoughts.

You don’t have to adhere to the system.

You weren’t made to assimilate or abide by standards. You are the standard!

Your uniqueness is your gift.

You just have to walk your walk. 

Take your time. 

Be present every second. 

Focus on yourself.  

One more time….. 

Focus on yourself. 

And the wool will be pulled from over your eyes. 

-Enjoy

-ML

I must’ve been hypnotized by the fear of disappointing people.

It put me in a trance state that made me forget words like,

“No”.  

When your favorite lie is,

“I’m good

or

I’d love to”.

Mistaking pleasing as purpose.   

Stretching myself so thin that I can’t even carry my own weight. 

So busy saving the world that I forgot to save myself.

Until I realized: You don’t have to do shit that you don’t want to do.   

-ML

We think that we’re good, 

Until we’re depressed.

Our aim is to please, 

Until our mind is a mess. 

We don’t need anybody, until we’re in trouble.

Don’t know who to trust, so we live in a bubble. 

We tough it out, 

Until the pain is too intense. 

We think we’ve moved on, 

Until we reminisce. 

We think we’ve changed until temptation pulls us back.

Whispers in our ear, just like a fien on crack.

We want a lot of money because, “it’ll solve our problems”. 

Yes that might be true, but not the problems that need solving. 

Money, 

Without purpose, 

That’s when you slowly, start dissolving. 

Find who you are- grow, keep evolving. 

We have all the answers, 

Until we’re forced to listen. 

We think we’re a man until we have to make man decisions 

We find it hard to focus, 

Because of all the distractions. 

We easily judge others until we need some compassion. 

We map out our dreams, 

And everything we want. 

We think we have time-

Until, we dont..

Narcos is one of my favorites of all time. 

Not because of the crime, or how they shine.

Not because they’ll pull the trigger at the drop of a dime. 

But the men- you see, they seem fine. 

But who they are in public, 

Versus private, 

Is misaligned.

Skilled concealers- juggling two completely different lives. 

You can feel the internal dilemma when you look into their eyes.

They know it’s wrong, 

But, 

What is wrong when you’ve been doing something for so long?

Off in the deep end, too far gone. 

Trying to swim back to shore but your demons pull you down more. 

We keep the forbidden hidden in fear of the response, but what about the kids that will open Pandora’s box? 

Set them up for the kill? 

Still keeping our closet locked? 

-ML

There’s an old saying that goes like this:

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”.

So catchy when you read it slow. And we believe it because, well, 

Evidence has shown us no different. And we follow the mantra because we have goals, we have dreams, we have aspirations, we want to be somebody. 

So we surround ourselves with the “somebody’s”. Altering our speech, 

Tailoring our dress,

Fitting the mold in hopes that we impress, 

The person in charge of granting access.  

That’s what makes you somebody? 

Being in the right crowd?

Saying the right things? Wearing the right clothes? Meeting the person with the right last name? Fame? Playing a game where everybody knows your last name?

It’s a shame when you think about it,

And shallow isn’t strong enough a word to describe the societal construct that hoards opportunities from the one’s who deserve it. The one’s who, if given a shot, would earn it.

If it costs you your identity, it’s too expensive.

Don’t lose yourself trying to be somebody…

-ML

Late night and my thoughts are speeding.

Guess my subconscious doesn’t know, 

That red means stop, and green means go.

I entertain his nagging, and submit to the attention he’s craving.

“You do the same thing”! 

He kept repeating to me. 

Just when I was in the middle of ferociously tearing apart every little detail of what you do, how you do it, how I would’ve done it, how it could’ve been better. 

Building a giant invisible wall- cutting the chord of energy we share between us.

Going back to my old faithful way of handling internal conflictions. 

I rush to the dock where my boat is waiting. 

Slow and steady, I depart, 

You look to the river and before you know it, the distance increases 

squinting your eyes to see me but, 

I’m too far gone 

-ML

The sea was still, the plants were full, the birds were healthy, the sun was bright, 

The island: remote, quiet, and alive. 

Unlike home, where you can be in a crowd but feel alone. 

What a paradox, to be surrounded by people, but feel isolated.  

Adhering to cultural norms that celebrate, 

Status over acceptance. 

Things over nature. 

Power over peace. 

Individuals over solidarity. 

Ping Pong! 

Back and forth 

In my mind   

Maybe the shoe I was trying to squeeze in was too tight? 

Maybe what the doctor prescribed wasn’t right? 

Maybe I’m stressed because I’m trying to be liked?

Maybe I’m anxious because when I lose control I try to fight?  

Or 

Maybe I knew all along. I just needed a light. 

The sea was still, the plants were full, the birds were healthy, the sun was bright